Mitch Hedberg:
I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said “Sorry, we’re closed.” You don’t have to be sorry. It’s 3 a.m., and you’re a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I’m not gonna walk by at ten a.m. and say, “Hey, I walked by at three, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This jacket would be halfway done!
Moral support requested
by the splinter » Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:01 am
Met a women in a bar. Hit it off and took her home. She told me she wanted 10 inches and to make it hurt.
So I did her twice and hit her in the head with a brick!
hahahahaha
So I did her twice and hit her in the head with a brick!
hahahahaha
- the splinter
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- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by the splinter » Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:03 am
A turtle was walking through the park one night when two slugs came out and mugged him.
Eventually the cops came and rolled him over. They asked for a retelling of the event...
All the turtle could say was.....I don't know it all happened so fast!
Eventually the cops came and rolled him over. They asked for a retelling of the event...
All the turtle could say was.....I don't know it all happened so fast!
- the splinter
- Posts: 55
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by fredpaii » Mon Jun 04, 2012 10:42 am
[quote:5cf53825d6="The Rabid Wolverines"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mK0ujYV2DNQ
[size=18:5cf53825d6][color=darkblue:5cf53825d6]This newscast on youtube is by far the funniest thing on this thread. Check it out. [/color:5cf53825d6][/size:5cf53825d6][/quote:5cf53825d6]
I remember that. Wish I had posted it. Very funny. She'll lick anything!
[size=18:5cf53825d6][color=darkblue:5cf53825d6]This newscast on youtube is by far the funniest thing on this thread. Check it out. [/color:5cf53825d6][/size:5cf53825d6][/quote:5cf53825d6]
I remember that. Wish I had posted it. Very funny. She'll lick anything!
- fredpaii
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by Sknsfan » Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:12 pm
Hey Bernie, get better man we need you.
Take your time and come back when you're ready. I'd hate for you to rush back only to over do it again for this pack of wild animals. (myself included)
Here's a cute wild animal bit from tv when I lived in Dallas years ago.
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXo-PWUuoT4[/url]
And here's a groaner for you:
Bart, A young college freshman, in an attempt to make more friends on campus decides to join an intramural club.
He discovers that there is a club for fans of jokes and comedians and feels he'll fit right in.
When he gets to his first club meeting, The president of the club has gathered together the newbies and is explaining to them the process of the club. He gives each member a large book of jokes, each joke has a number next to it.
Each new member is expected to memorize as many of these as they can and return next week to tell the jokes in front of the other members. The key is this, they must tell the jokes by the number associated with it.
Undaunted by this task, Bart returns the next week and prepares to face the members. Dave, another newbie draws the first go. He gets up on the small makeshift stage, walks to the microphone, and yells out "97!" The crowd erupts into laughter. He then goes with "932." Again the crowd is in tears.
This goes on for several more initiates until Bart is now up. He steps to the microphone, gives a wave to the audience, and says "114." An uncomfortable silence greets him. Flustered slightly but undeterred, he comes back with "77." Again only silence. He quickly calls out "14. 527. 3,276!"
At this point the president waves him off stage, thanks him for his effort, and politely suggests that this may not be the club for Bart.
"I don't understand, I yelled out the same numbers as anyone else. Why didn't anyone laugh?" Bart asked.
The president simply repilied, "Well, some folk can tell a joke, and some can't."
Get better Bernie
Take your time and come back when you're ready. I'd hate for you to rush back only to over do it again for this pack of wild animals. (myself included)
Here's a cute wild animal bit from tv when I lived in Dallas years ago.
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXo-PWUuoT4[/url]
And here's a groaner for you:
Bart, A young college freshman, in an attempt to make more friends on campus decides to join an intramural club.
He discovers that there is a club for fans of jokes and comedians and feels he'll fit right in.
When he gets to his first club meeting, The president of the club has gathered together the newbies and is explaining to them the process of the club. He gives each member a large book of jokes, each joke has a number next to it.
Each new member is expected to memorize as many of these as they can and return next week to tell the jokes in front of the other members. The key is this, they must tell the jokes by the number associated with it.
Undaunted by this task, Bart returns the next week and prepares to face the members. Dave, another newbie draws the first go. He gets up on the small makeshift stage, walks to the microphone, and yells out "97!" The crowd erupts into laughter. He then goes with "932." Again the crowd is in tears.
This goes on for several more initiates until Bart is now up. He steps to the microphone, gives a wave to the audience, and says "114." An uncomfortable silence greets him. Flustered slightly but undeterred, he comes back with "77." Again only silence. He quickly calls out "14. 527. 3,276!"
At this point the president waves him off stage, thanks him for his effort, and politely suggests that this may not be the club for Bart.
"I don't understand, I yelled out the same numbers as anyone else. Why didn't anyone laugh?" Bart asked.
The president simply repilied, "Well, some folk can tell a joke, and some can't."
Get better Bernie
- Sknsfan
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by Mr Regulator » Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:56 pm
According to these skid marks, the accident happened around 2:00 p.m to 3:00 p.m - Me explaining to my wife about my dirty underwear. - :(
- Mr Regulator
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
Get Well
by Harold Homers » Mon Jun 04, 2012 8:34 pm
Sorry not a great joke teller -hope you are better soon
Harold Homers
Harold Homers
- Harold Homers
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