Here is a song for the Strat-o-Masses. An ode to the game we love to hate. Note: I am not a musician, or singer, but it is a catchy little thing. And you do need another hobby beside Strat-o-Matic, don't you? So here from the secret labs of YountFan's basement is Strat-Rat.
Click this link to listen... [url=http://home.comcast.net/~miklos2000/Strat-Rat_by_jeff_kloster_aka_yountfan.mp3]Strat-Rat a Song by YountFan[/url]
[b:2beb7bf151]Strat-Rat[/b:2beb7bf151]
Woke up this morning oh and three
Is this the kind of day it's gonna be?
I should have won two of those games
Bruce Sutter gone up in flames
I'm a Strat-Rat with a 5 pack
Can't get this monkey off of my back
I'm obsessed and that's a fact jack
No reason to live if there's no strat
The internet's down and I can't check the draft
I told my wife and she started to laugh
My boss said "Son you gotta work late"
Man it sucks when life gets in the way.
I'm a Strat-Rat with a 5 pack
Can't get this monkey off of my back
Some people drink other people smoke crack
I buy my addiction by the 5 pack
I crunch the numbers I count the cards
My boss wishes I would work this hard
My wife's thinking that I've gone insane
I can't get the Strat off of my brain
I'm a Strat-Rat with a 5 pack
Can't get this monkey off of my back
Im obsessed and that's a fact jack
Got not reason to live if there's no strat
I'm a Strat-Rat with a 5 pack
Can't get this monkey off of my back
Some people drink other people smoke crack
I'd like to beat HAL with a baseball bat
[i:2beb7bf151](c) 2006 by Jeff Kloster[/i:2beb7bf151]
The 70's Sucked a Song by YountFan **Its new
29 posts
• Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
The 70's Sucked a Song by YountFan **Its new
by YountFan » Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:38 pm
Last edited by YountFan on Tue Jan 02, 2007 10:00 pm, edited 5 times in total.
- YountFan
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
Cool beans, YF, But...
by bjs73 » Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:43 pm
I just had a bad vision that goes a little like this:
[Fade In]
[i:a2af956130]We see a large home blanketed with much snow located in one of the most desolate areas known to man: the state of Wisconsin. The camera pans around the estate. No visible sign of life. The snow is falling heavily.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to wide shot of living room]
[i:a2af956130]We see a woman adorned in midwestern lingerie. (That means sweat pants, a sweatshirt, and white tube socks for the sake of those that live on either coast.) The clock on the wall says 7:00 AM. She's dusting the living room but is suddenly startled by a noise coming from the basement...[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
What's that? A guitar? Singing?
[i:a2af956130]She wanders towards the music. A basement door.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to basement. Wide shot.]
[i:a2af956130]We see a television on in the corner playing ESPN's Sportscenter for the 8th consecutive time since midnight. In the other corner is a computer work station with its HOOTER's GIRLS calendar screen saver working. The work station is littered with 9 empty Miller Lite bottles, 2 empty packs of Marlboro Lights, and a full ash tray. A half-eaten Red Baron's pizza lies on the floor.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
(Annoyed)
Jeff, you down here? You been up all night again waiting for those damn strat scores to roll in?
[i:a2af956130]There's no answer. Just guitar and singing...[/i:a2af956130]
[Camera pans to a laundry room door. There's a baseball bat on the floor in front of it.]
[b:a2af956130]Voice from behind the laundry room door[/b:a2af956130]
I'm a strat-rat with a five pack...
[Camera pans back towards the pizza on the floor]
[i:a2af956130]Woman approaches the pizza on the floor and looks at it with curiousity.[/i:a2af956130]
[Close up of pizza.]
[i:a2af956130]The pizza is missing all of the toppings from it. However, next to it, there are four pepperoni pieces in a diamond shape. 9 large sausage pieces are located around the pepporoni diamond as if they were fielders on a baseball field. There is a fork driven vertically into the sausage on the mound.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
Jeff, get your arse back out here and clean this crap up! There better not be a hole in the carpet, dammit!
[Cut to laundry room door]
[b:a2af956130]Voice[/b:a2af956130]
Some people drink other people smoke crack...
[Cut to medium of shot of computer work station.]
[i:a2af956130]The woman enters the shot and sits down in front of the keyboard and presses the space bar. The 80s game logo for TSN pops up on top. There are three boxscores. All three show losses for a person curiously named YountFan. 2 of the boxscores show Sutter as the losing pitcher.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
What the...?
[i:a2af956130]Her hand glides over the mouse. She sees the task bar at the bottom of the screen. There's a program minimized that's called "Notepad" on the task bar. She clicks it to maximize it.[/i:a2af956130]
[Close up of computer screen.]
ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKE JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY.
[Extreme closeup of woman's face]
(Incredulous. Somewhat fearful.)
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
Oh God. Oh my God.
[i:a2af956130]She quickly turns her head towards the laundry room door. There is a guitar solo and then some mumbling is heard.[/i:a2af956130]
[Medium shot of laundry room door. A baseball bat is in the foreground.]
[b:a2af956130]Voice[/b:a2af956130]
My wife's thinking that I've gone insane
I can't get the Strat off of my brain
[i:a2af956130]The woman cautiously approaches the laundry room. She raps on the door.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
(With tenderness.)
Jeff? Jeff, honey? It's gonna be alright. It's only a game....
[i:a2af956130]No answer[/i:a2af956130]
(With a little fear now...)
Please honey. It's going to be OK. Please Jeff.
[i:a2af956130]She turns the handle on the door. It's locked. She bangs on the door, demanding attention.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Voice from behind door.[/b:a2af956130]
I'm a Strat-Rat with a 5 pack
Can't get this monkey off of my back
Some people drink other people smoke crack
I'd like to beat HAL with a baseball bat
[Close up of woman's face.]
[i:a2af956130]Her face is pale white, eyes wide open, she backs away from the door and bends down and picks up the bat. The label is autographed by Robin Yount.[/i:a2af956130]
[Closeup of laundry room door.]
[i:a2af956130]The door opens slowly. Just a crack. There's no light behind the door. Then an image of a head slowly appears from the darkness. It is Jeff. Hair is uncombed and ratty. There is a heavy growth of facial hair on his face. Pizza sauce is smeared on his chin though it looks like blood from a distance. His eyes are wide and wicked looking. He sees his wife and smiles in an evil way.[/i:a2af956130]
[Extreme closesup of Jeff's face.]
[b:a2af956130]Jeff[/b:a2af956130]
HERE'S JEFFERY!
[Cut to medium shot of woman.]
[i:a2af956130]The woman screams in fear. She clutches the baseball bat with two hands and back peddles towards the computer work station.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to medium shot of Jeff.]
[i:a2af956130]He comes through the door and walks slowly towards the woman.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Jeff[/b:a2af956130]
(Eerily calm.)
Wendy, give me the bat. I'm not going to hurt you. Just give me the bat.
[Cut to medium shot of Jeff's back approaching Wendy from over his shoulder.]
[b:a2af956130]Wendy[/b:a2af956130]
(Frightened.)
No, Jeff! No, I won't give it to you. I won't!
[i:a2af956130]She has backed all the way up to the computer work station and can move no farther. She readies herself with two hands on the bat.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to Jeff]
[b:a2af956130]Jeff[/b:a2af956130]
Wendy, the bat, please! I promise I won't hurt you.
(Angry now.)
I'M JUST GOING TO BASH HAL'S BRAINS IN!
[i:a2af956130]Jeff lunges for the bat but Wendy perfectly strikes his forehead. He falls to the ground in agony clutching his head. He lands next to the pepperoni on the floor. Wendy runs screaming from the scene and flees up the stairs.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to closeup of Jeff lying in agony on the floor. Fade from color to black and white...]
[b:a2af956130]Jeff[/b:a2af956130]
(Whispering faintly.)
Rosebud. Rosebud. Rosebud...
[Fade to black]
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Actually, I agree. That song has been the most entertaining thing that's appeared on these boards in a very long time. I've got it in my ITunes now. :shock:
Have a beer on me, Jeff. There'll be better days coming.
Eat more hot wings and drink more beer,
bjs73
[Fade In]
[i:a2af956130]We see a large home blanketed with much snow located in one of the most desolate areas known to man: the state of Wisconsin. The camera pans around the estate. No visible sign of life. The snow is falling heavily.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to wide shot of living room]
[i:a2af956130]We see a woman adorned in midwestern lingerie. (That means sweat pants, a sweatshirt, and white tube socks for the sake of those that live on either coast.) The clock on the wall says 7:00 AM. She's dusting the living room but is suddenly startled by a noise coming from the basement...[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
What's that? A guitar? Singing?
[i:a2af956130]She wanders towards the music. A basement door.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to basement. Wide shot.]
[i:a2af956130]We see a television on in the corner playing ESPN's Sportscenter for the 8th consecutive time since midnight. In the other corner is a computer work station with its HOOTER's GIRLS calendar screen saver working. The work station is littered with 9 empty Miller Lite bottles, 2 empty packs of Marlboro Lights, and a full ash tray. A half-eaten Red Baron's pizza lies on the floor.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
(Annoyed)
Jeff, you down here? You been up all night again waiting for those damn strat scores to roll in?
[i:a2af956130]There's no answer. Just guitar and singing...[/i:a2af956130]
[Camera pans to a laundry room door. There's a baseball bat on the floor in front of it.]
[b:a2af956130]Voice from behind the laundry room door[/b:a2af956130]
I'm a strat-rat with a five pack...
[Camera pans back towards the pizza on the floor]
[i:a2af956130]Woman approaches the pizza on the floor and looks at it with curiousity.[/i:a2af956130]
[Close up of pizza.]
[i:a2af956130]The pizza is missing all of the toppings from it. However, next to it, there are four pepperoni pieces in a diamond shape. 9 large sausage pieces are located around the pepporoni diamond as if they were fielders on a baseball field. There is a fork driven vertically into the sausage on the mound.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
Jeff, get your arse back out here and clean this crap up! There better not be a hole in the carpet, dammit!
[Cut to laundry room door]
[b:a2af956130]Voice[/b:a2af956130]
Some people drink other people smoke crack...
[Cut to medium of shot of computer work station.]
[i:a2af956130]The woman enters the shot and sits down in front of the keyboard and presses the space bar. The 80s game logo for TSN pops up on top. There are three boxscores. All three show losses for a person curiously named YountFan. 2 of the boxscores show Sutter as the losing pitcher.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
What the...?
[i:a2af956130]Her hand glides over the mouse. She sees the task bar at the bottom of the screen. There's a program minimized that's called "Notepad" on the task bar. She clicks it to maximize it.[/i:a2af956130]
[Close up of computer screen.]
ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKE JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY. ALL LOSSES AND NO WINS MAKES JEFF A VERY DULL BOY.
[Extreme closeup of woman's face]
(Incredulous. Somewhat fearful.)
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
Oh God. Oh my God.
[i:a2af956130]She quickly turns her head towards the laundry room door. There is a guitar solo and then some mumbling is heard.[/i:a2af956130]
[Medium shot of laundry room door. A baseball bat is in the foreground.]
[b:a2af956130]Voice[/b:a2af956130]
My wife's thinking that I've gone insane
I can't get the Strat off of my brain
[i:a2af956130]The woman cautiously approaches the laundry room. She raps on the door.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Woman[/b:a2af956130]
(With tenderness.)
Jeff? Jeff, honey? It's gonna be alright. It's only a game....
[i:a2af956130]No answer[/i:a2af956130]
(With a little fear now...)
Please honey. It's going to be OK. Please Jeff.
[i:a2af956130]She turns the handle on the door. It's locked. She bangs on the door, demanding attention.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Voice from behind door.[/b:a2af956130]
I'm a Strat-Rat with a 5 pack
Can't get this monkey off of my back
Some people drink other people smoke crack
I'd like to beat HAL with a baseball bat
[Close up of woman's face.]
[i:a2af956130]Her face is pale white, eyes wide open, she backs away from the door and bends down and picks up the bat. The label is autographed by Robin Yount.[/i:a2af956130]
[Closeup of laundry room door.]
[i:a2af956130]The door opens slowly. Just a crack. There's no light behind the door. Then an image of a head slowly appears from the darkness. It is Jeff. Hair is uncombed and ratty. There is a heavy growth of facial hair on his face. Pizza sauce is smeared on his chin though it looks like blood from a distance. His eyes are wide and wicked looking. He sees his wife and smiles in an evil way.[/i:a2af956130]
[Extreme closesup of Jeff's face.]
[b:a2af956130]Jeff[/b:a2af956130]
HERE'S JEFFERY!
[Cut to medium shot of woman.]
[i:a2af956130]The woman screams in fear. She clutches the baseball bat with two hands and back peddles towards the computer work station.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to medium shot of Jeff.]
[i:a2af956130]He comes through the door and walks slowly towards the woman.[/i:a2af956130]
[b:a2af956130]Jeff[/b:a2af956130]
(Eerily calm.)
Wendy, give me the bat. I'm not going to hurt you. Just give me the bat.
[Cut to medium shot of Jeff's back approaching Wendy from over his shoulder.]
[b:a2af956130]Wendy[/b:a2af956130]
(Frightened.)
No, Jeff! No, I won't give it to you. I won't!
[i:a2af956130]She has backed all the way up to the computer work station and can move no farther. She readies herself with two hands on the bat.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to Jeff]
[b:a2af956130]Jeff[/b:a2af956130]
Wendy, the bat, please! I promise I won't hurt you.
(Angry now.)
I'M JUST GOING TO BASH HAL'S BRAINS IN!
[i:a2af956130]Jeff lunges for the bat but Wendy perfectly strikes his forehead. He falls to the ground in agony clutching his head. He lands next to the pepperoni on the floor. Wendy runs screaming from the scene and flees up the stairs.[/i:a2af956130]
[Cut to closeup of Jeff lying in agony on the floor. Fade from color to black and white...]
[b:a2af956130]Jeff[/b:a2af956130]
(Whispering faintly.)
Rosebud. Rosebud. Rosebud...
[Fade to black]
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Actually, I agree. That song has been the most entertaining thing that's appeared on these boards in a very long time. I've got it in my ITunes now. :shock:
Have a beer on me, Jeff. There'll be better days coming.
Eat more hot wings and drink more beer,
bjs73
Last edited by bjs73 on Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:35 am, edited 3 times in total.
- bjs73
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by PaddyLanePounders » Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:33 am
That was AWSOME! Even my wife, who compares my playing stat to a junkies need for crack, laughed. I'm not as far into it as you guys,[u:720c61fa1d] yet.[/u:720c61fa1d] Is this the direction my life is headed?! I left work early on Friday feeling sick! Happened to be a day of major picks taking place in my first 80's live draft! Tonight I left a yearly banquet, that had been looked forward to for months, early with the thought on my mind of, "Did I land Tartabull! I need that guy."
- PaddyLanePounders
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by Panzer ace » Sun Feb 05, 2006 1:08 am
YF, I love it. Thanks to bjs, you already have a music video too. You must have a hit on your hands.
- Panzer ace
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by Jimmy_C » Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:58 am
This production is ready for MTV...especially with the babe in midwestern lingerie!! It will blow the minds of America's youth...it will scare parents...it will become a cult classic...it will be bigger than "Free Bird"!!
- Jimmy_C
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by DAVIDCARROLL 2 » Sun Feb 05, 2006 1:07 pm
What a great post. Needed a good smile :D today. What an addicted bunch we have become. Can no longer relate to the wife thing (gone 2 years now) but, my boys can. And they are following in Dad's footsteps! 5 future "Strat-Rats" :shock: !
- DAVIDCARROLL 2
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
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