Mark,
My thoughts are with you.
Jim
Thank you all so much for your kind words; what happened.
by MIKEGILBERT » Tue May 01, 2012 12:10 pm
Mark and Tyson, may you find strength from your sadness during the worst of times.
Mike
Mike
- MIKEGILBERT
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by Frank Bailey » Tue May 01, 2012 12:15 pm
Mark,
I'm sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family well in this difficult time.
Mike
I'm sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family well in this difficult time.
Mike
- Frank Bailey
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by modmark46 » Sun May 06, 2012 12:09 am
Thank you all for you very kind words, prayers and messages. I am back at work tonight, as I take my first tentative steps towards this gray, gray life, without my sweet Kathy.
We were together for 33 years, and would have celebrated our 32nd anniversary this August.
A month ago, she was fine. 3 weeks ago, she complained of her stomach aching. 2 weeks ago, her stomach began to bloat alarmingly. A week and a half ago, she lost her appetite and began to feel nausea. A little over a week ago, she began getting terrible pains in the back of her right leg. After doctor's exams, ER visits, CAT scans, Ultrasounds, X-Rays, urinalysis, and numerous blood tests, she was given a diagnosis of Ovarian Cancer on Sat., April 28th. We spent 13+ hours in the ER, waiting for a bed to open up in the hospitals cancer ward. We were finally moved in to her room about a quarter past 5 last Sunday morning. We were both exhausted, and once the nurses quit coming in and out, we both dozed next to each other for a couple of hours. Around 8:30am on Sun, April 29th, Kathy was assisted to the bathroom by two nurses.
Just a minute later, she collapsed. An entire team of doctors, nurses and orderlies tried frantically to save her. I watched the whole thing, and was in disbelief. Initially, I thought she had just fainted, and was sure she would be revived. 20 minutes in, after a nurse told me she had no pulse, and I got my first look at her face, I knew she was gone. After an hour of effort, she was pronounced. I was a broken, sobbing mass, on my hands and knees in the hallway outside her door, for about 45 minutes. Her official cause of death was listed as a massive pulmonary embolism, from a blood clot.
The last week has, obviously, been a nightmare, through which I have moved like a ghost. Kathy and I have many friends, and she has a large family, so the support has been immense. My son has been my rock. Her calling hours were last Thursday, and her service this last Friday morning. I wasn't sure I would have the strength to give her eulogy, but somehow, I got through it. I wanted to honor her by speaking my words, myself.
To say I have been utterly destroyed, and crushed by grief, would be an understatement. Life has lost all it's savor. Kathy was my best friend, and we were hardly ever separated. We did everything together. And yet, I have two grown children who are grieving, and two grandchildren who loved their Grammy. I will endeavor to move on, and be there for them, as that is what Kathy would desire of me. She had just turned 52 on March 18th.
Holding my brokenhearted 7yr old grandson, as he cried his eyes out once he got the news, was a misery I can't put into words. Thankfully, our granddaughter is only 3, and doesn't grasp the import. She believes Grammy changed in to a puppy, and is in heaven with our beloved dog Sheba, whom we put down last summer.
And so, life goes on. I move, eat, drink, stare at the tv, and go about the minutia of every day living. I go to work. I pace for hours, and go on endless drives. When I am exhausted, I take the tranqs my doctor has prescribed for me, and hope to pass out, praying for just a few hours of oblivion from this living hell.
I suppose, in time, I will function almost normally on most fronts. But, the hole in my heart will never be healed. The cruel dagger that has pierced it will remain there, until my heart beats it's last. If, indeed, there is a heaven, than I eagerly await for the time I will be reunited with my beloved.
You have all been great. Thanks, again, for your prayers. This will be the last time I will discuss this, in this public forum.
Mark
We were together for 33 years, and would have celebrated our 32nd anniversary this August.
A month ago, she was fine. 3 weeks ago, she complained of her stomach aching. 2 weeks ago, her stomach began to bloat alarmingly. A week and a half ago, she lost her appetite and began to feel nausea. A little over a week ago, she began getting terrible pains in the back of her right leg. After doctor's exams, ER visits, CAT scans, Ultrasounds, X-Rays, urinalysis, and numerous blood tests, she was given a diagnosis of Ovarian Cancer on Sat., April 28th. We spent 13+ hours in the ER, waiting for a bed to open up in the hospitals cancer ward. We were finally moved in to her room about a quarter past 5 last Sunday morning. We were both exhausted, and once the nurses quit coming in and out, we both dozed next to each other for a couple of hours. Around 8:30am on Sun, April 29th, Kathy was assisted to the bathroom by two nurses.
Just a minute later, she collapsed. An entire team of doctors, nurses and orderlies tried frantically to save her. I watched the whole thing, and was in disbelief. Initially, I thought she had just fainted, and was sure she would be revived. 20 minutes in, after a nurse told me she had no pulse, and I got my first look at her face, I knew she was gone. After an hour of effort, she was pronounced. I was a broken, sobbing mass, on my hands and knees in the hallway outside her door, for about 45 minutes. Her official cause of death was listed as a massive pulmonary embolism, from a blood clot.
The last week has, obviously, been a nightmare, through which I have moved like a ghost. Kathy and I have many friends, and she has a large family, so the support has been immense. My son has been my rock. Her calling hours were last Thursday, and her service this last Friday morning. I wasn't sure I would have the strength to give her eulogy, but somehow, I got through it. I wanted to honor her by speaking my words, myself.
To say I have been utterly destroyed, and crushed by grief, would be an understatement. Life has lost all it's savor. Kathy was my best friend, and we were hardly ever separated. We did everything together. And yet, I have two grown children who are grieving, and two grandchildren who loved their Grammy. I will endeavor to move on, and be there for them, as that is what Kathy would desire of me. She had just turned 52 on March 18th.
Holding my brokenhearted 7yr old grandson, as he cried his eyes out once he got the news, was a misery I can't put into words. Thankfully, our granddaughter is only 3, and doesn't grasp the import. She believes Grammy changed in to a puppy, and is in heaven with our beloved dog Sheba, whom we put down last summer.
And so, life goes on. I move, eat, drink, stare at the tv, and go about the minutia of every day living. I go to work. I pace for hours, and go on endless drives. When I am exhausted, I take the tranqs my doctor has prescribed for me, and hope to pass out, praying for just a few hours of oblivion from this living hell.
I suppose, in time, I will function almost normally on most fronts. But, the hole in my heart will never be healed. The cruel dagger that has pierced it will remain there, until my heart beats it's last. If, indeed, there is a heaven, than I eagerly await for the time I will be reunited with my beloved.
You have all been great. Thanks, again, for your prayers. This will be the last time I will discuss this, in this public forum.
Mark
- modmark46
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by Roosky » Sun May 06, 2012 6:37 am
Mark my heart hurts for the pain that you feel and I will continue to pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. If there is anything you need help with in regards to managing your teams or league commitments please pm me and I will do whatever you need.
- Roosky
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
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