Moral support requested

[Mr Baseball World]

Wade Boggs, Steve Garvey and Pete Rose are in a bar. A pretty woman walks by and Boggs says, "I'm going to ask her out." Garvey replied, "You can't do that, she's carrying my baby." To which Rose added, "You wanna bet?"

[coyote303]

A man lies in bed, and he knows his time on earth is almost over. Every breath is now an effort. But suddenly the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies fills his nostrils. He must have one!

He is very weak, but he manages to roll out of bed and drag himself across the floor…slowly. Finally, he makes it to the kitchen, and he can see them! He props himself up best he can, reaches up to the counter to grab a cookie.

Suddenly, his wife bats his arm away and screeches: “Stop it! They are for the funeral.”

[Maxie Minoso]

Jazz trumpeter walks into a restaurant, sits down and asks the waitress, "How is your chicken prepared?"

"Oh," she replies, "we tell them right up front they're not going to make it."

[franky35]

Dangerfield: I was making love to a woman and she started crying. I said, Baby, are you crying because you're going to hate yourself in the morning? She said no, I hate myself right now.

[1787]

my friend asked how are you doing and I replied

My wife is divorsing me,my kid is in jail both my parants are terminaly ill , I have a boil on my *** the size of a mellon but you know me

I cant complain.

[mesquiton]

Q: What did the apathetic, dyslexic agnostic say?

A: I don't know if there's a Dog, and I don't care, either.

[bernieh]

joekendall, Mr. BBW, coyote303, Maxie Minoso: +1 :)

Keep 'em coming...

[Badjam]

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer
> > Guns Over Women
> >
> >
> > #10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22 AND
> > nobody gets hurt.
> >
> > #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for
> when
> > you're on the road AND nobody gets
> > hurt.
> >
> > #8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so,
> he
> > will probably let you try it out a few times.
> >
> > #7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep
> another
> > gun for a backup.
> >
> > #6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out
> of
> > ammo.
> >
> > #5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
> >
> > #4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
> >
> > #3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips
> make
> me
> > look fat?"
> >
> > #2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after
> you use
> > it.
> >
> > And the number one reason a gun is
> > favored over a woman....
> >
> > #1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN.

[KEVINEHLE]

Moral support? You're talking to the wrong crowd. Morals isn't these guy's strong suit.

I will give you the simplest of jokes that my 6-year-old niece told me the other day:

Q: What do you call a fly if you tear off his wings?

A: A walk

Kev

[ADRIANGABRIEL]

Bernie, you should take in a movie. But not the Pirate movie--it's rated Arrrrrrrrrgh!