Moral support requested

[djmacb]

Scientist joke

Two atoms walk into a bar

1st atom - "Hey, I lost an electron!"
2nd atom - "You lost an electron? Are you sure?"
1st atom - "Course I'm sure. I'm positive!"

[Mr Groundhog]

Ralph & Edna were in love with each other and were patients at a mental hospital. One day while they were strolling hand and hand past the hospital swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in and saved him.
When the Director of the hospital became aware of Edna's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered Edna to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Edna he said, "Edna I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the man you love. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry he is dead."
Edna relplied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry!

[djskcsams]

RELAX! Life is good. The worst is a bump in the road and makes for a better story. We will all still be here on Monday!

[216 Stitches]

Old Milwaukee Beer had an advertising campaign some decades ago,
if you remember it *** (at end), the joke makes sense.

Joke:

There once was a pitcher for the Brewers named Mel Famous. He was
their ace, threw a really hard fastball. Struck out a ton of batters. Won
20 games, won the Cy Young. Lead the Brewers to the World Series.
Won games 1,4 and 6. But the Brewers lost games 2, 3 and 5. So the
world series was to be decided in game 7. Since he pitched game 6, they
sent him to the bullpen. The Brewers took an early lead and Mel Famous
started celebrating in the bullpen with his favorite Beverage, a brew.

But the 9th inning arrives, and a huge rally. A call to the bullpen, the
manager tells them to get Mel Famous up, but the bullpen coach says
he is drunk. The manager says sober him up.

While warming up and sobering up, the opposition ties the game with
a bases clearing HR. There are no outs. The manager is in a world of
trouble, calls for Mel Famous to try and halt the rally.

Mel proceeds to walk, strike out, walk, strike out and walk the next five
batters. So lets recap. Its game 7 of the world series. The score is tied.
the bases are loaded. There are two outs. And Mel Famous is drunk.

Mel's fastball is unhittable, but he is very wild. He proceeds to throw
ball, strike, ball, strike, ball. So lets recap. Its game 7 of the world
series. The score is tied. The bases are loaded. There are two outs.
The count is 3-2. And Mel Famous is drunk.

The payoff pitch comes, but Mel Famous is so drunk he falls off the mound, the ball goes sailing into the stands, the world series ends
on a walk off walk.

The reporters catch up with the last hitter Mel Famous faced. He is drinking a beer admidst the celebration. "No champagne?" The
reporter asks. The player looks at the reporter and replies: "don't
you know this beer is special?" He asked. The reporter looked at it
and said "no."

Punchline:

The hitter says, "THATS THE BEER THAT MADE Mel Famous WALK ME."

=====================

I can't speak for anyone else, but IMHO If you
have to delay things to make it work -- do it. Health is
important. No use winning a battle and losing a war.


*** Old milwaukee's advertising campaign was "The beer that
made Milwaukee famous."

[motherscratcher]

I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

- Mitch

[bontomn]

A man was speeding on the interstate when he heard a siren and saw flashing lights behind him. Instead of pulling over, he increased his speed for a quarter of a mile or so before stopping.

After inspecting his license and registration, the officer said, "You actually speeded up when you saw me instead of pulling over. Why'd you do that? If you have a really god reason, I might let you off."

Driver: "I'm sorry, officer. But my wife ran away with a highway patrolman last month, and I thought you were bringing her back to me."

Officer: "Have a nice day, sir."



You take care, Bernie. Don't let this job do this to you!

[Moriarity]

Bernie, fill a large cooler full of Blatz and drag out Crash Davis, The Wild Thing, Roy Hobbs, someone along those lines. You might not remember the movie, but once you're fully sated with Blatz, you won't much care or remember why you're stressed! You may even walk into a glass door (again)! :P :lol:

[buzzards1]

Q - Whats the diff between a mans job and a mans wife ?

A - After 6 months his job still sucks .

[Knerrpool]

Bernie,

I don't know what all is involved in the switchover, but if you need to delay it a week (or more), do it. Your health is more important.

[Valen]

Groundhog's joke reminded me of something from my past. True story.

A friend was in the local psychiatric hospital and I went to visit her. The nurses escorted me to her room and left. We visited for a couple hours talking about all that she was going through and feeling.

While I was in her room talking the shifts changed. All the nurses who were there when I arrived left for home with a whole new crew taking over.

Having finished my visit I walked to the door and told the nurse I was ready to leave. She politely informed me I could not leave until the doctor released me. "But I do not belong in here" I explained. She responded as she walked off 'that's what they all say".