Moral support requested

[PotKettleBlack]

These never fail for me:

Steve Martin, King Tut
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bl5dZxA-rZY&feature=related[/url]

Tyra Banks' Secret Toilet Tip:
[url]http://youtu.be/Axq2vai_oy8[/url]

Wicker Man, the Comedy Trailer:
[url]http://youtu.be/v_mW8mBzmHo[/url]

Vince Carter Nike Commercial
[url]http://youtu.be/CsZ4Lax-vS8[/url]

Feel better, Bernie.

[Jeepdriver]

It was the first day of school in first grade. As all the children were taking their seats a Mom confronted the teacher about her son's name. She explained that his name was Dammit. The Mom said yes, it was unusual, but that was indeed his given name.

So the teacher obliged. As she called the roll everyone said 'present' including little Dammit. The teacher would say, "Dammit, clean the eracers, Dammit, can you answer the question?" At first the kids were stunned, but they became used to little Dammit and his unusual name.

After a couple of weeks it was time for the annual spelling bee. All the children were lined up. The Principle was there, Mom's and Dad's, everyone important was there.

The teacher said the topic of today's spelling bee was flowers. Anytime you want to spell a flower raise your hand. Little Johnny spelled Lilly. L-I-L-L-Y. Nancy spelled Rose. R-O-S-E. Well little Dammit raised his hand and said he would spell chrysanthemum. The teacher said, "Dammit you can't spell chrysanthemum!" The Principle interjected, "Ah Hell! Let him try!"

[tcochran]

The teacher said, "Lets begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodaiki a bright foreign
exchange student from Japan , who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775', he said.

'Very good!'

Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall
not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Little Hodaiki: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.

'Excellent!' said the teacher continuing, 'let's try one a bit more
difficult...'

Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'

Once again, Hodaiki's was the only hand in the air and he said:

'John F. Kennedy, 1961'.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed of
yourselves, Little Hodaiki isn't from this country and he knows more about
our history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F . . k the Japs,'

'Who said that? I want to know right now!' she angrily demanded.

Little Hodaiki put his hand up, 'General MacArthur, 1945.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glared around and asks, 'All right! Now who said that!?'

Again, Little Hodaiki said, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991.'

Now furious, another student yelled, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Little Hodaiki jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the
teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, 'You little ****. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you.'

Little Hodaiki frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson
to the child witness testifying against him, 2004.'

The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh
****, We're screwed!'

Little Hodaiki said quietly, 'The New Orleans Saints, 2012.'

[Jeepdriver]

How do you catch the Ammish flu?

First you get a little hoarse, then a little buggy.

[Jeepdriver]

Two men were playing golf. After several holes the men recognized that one of them was hooking everything and one was slicing everything. So they put their heads together to try a new approach. The one fellow who was hooking said I will adjust my stance toward the right and my shot should hook right to the green. The slice guy adjusted his stance to the left so that his tee shot would slice right onto the green.

Well they teed off. The slicer guy hit a shot that appeared to be slicing right for the flag when it hit the green and took a dramatic bounce to the right, off the green. The hook guy hit his shot and it also appeared to be headed straight for the flag when it took an awkward bounce off the green to the left.

As the first guy was looking for his ball in the weeds he was haphazardly flicking the weeds with his club looking for his ball. All of a sudden he hears a loud husky voice. It was Mother Nature. She said, "Stop destroying my buttercups!" Well he of course didn't pay her any attention, and kept slapping the flowers looking for his ball. Again, even louder Mother Nature said, "Stop destroying my buttercups!" Again he payed her no attention. Finally Mother Nature told him that as a punishment he was going to have to go the entire rest of his life without butter.

Well he started laughing hysterically and uncontrollably. Confused, Mother Nature said, Why are you laughing? You are going to have to go without butter for the rest of your life."

He said, "That's not why I'm laughing. My friend over there. He's in the pussywillows."

[katzenjammer]

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/42943/johnny_carson_copper_clappers/

[RonSanto]

A guy walks into a psychiatrist office & says, "Hey doc, you gotta help me out. Sometimes I think I'm a dog."

The doc says, "would you like to lay down on the couch and discuss this?"

The guy responds, "Oh No, I'm not allowed on furniture."

[kmkravitz]

From the late Dan Quisenberry:

"I have seen the future and it's much like the present, only longer."

Bernie, take it easy, keep things in perspective, make sure your present has a longer future!

[Chuck1234]

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vaccum cleaner?

The Harley can carry 2 dirt bags...

Sincerely,
Delivery Boy...

[tcochran]

Just saw the email about delaying the move until later in June, which is a fine idea.

Go take a few days off, Bernie!