Who writes these headlines?

these were good, though:

* Carew Bunts Kluszewski to Second in 5-1 Loss to Pontiffs

* Barking Spiders Extend Winning Streak to Two Games

* Clamshuckers Ride Hot Split Deck to Improbable Win

* Bigfoot Appearance Disrupts Snotminer's 7th Inning Rally

* Ruth Injured but Remains in Game in 15-1 Loss to Spagtwirlers

* HAL in Therapy after Giving McGwire 5 Innings at SS

Can we add
*HAL subs Howell for Reitz For No Reason At All, Clamshuckers Win Anyway
*Wolves Undeterred by Luzinski Picked Off Trailing by Two in Ninth, Gain Moral Victory By Almost Winning

I miss the one from years ago that said that my manager was last seen in the team golf cart and was seen heading north on I 95. lol