Moral support requested

[The Last Druid]

"Doctor, I can't find a comfortable position to sit."

The doctor examined Harry and said,
"I'm not surprised that you're having trouble sitting; you have a good case of hemorrhoids."

He then gave Harry a supply of suppositories, and told him,
"Go home now, and use one of these each morning and one at night until they're gone.
Then come back and we'll see how you are."

Harry went home, and in a couple of weeks returned, still complaining of hemorrhoids.

"Well," said the doctor, "Did you use all of the suppositories?"

"Yes, I did," said Harry.

"I took one every morning and every night as you instructed, even though they were pretty hard to swallow."

"For all the good they did me, I might just as well have shoved them up my arse!"

[Outta Leftfield]

[quote:70e85f0842="buzz082308"]I would also like to echo everyone else. Your health comes first. Don't even put a date on the transition. Suprise us someday.[/quote:70e85f0842]

My sentiments exactly. Health comes first!

[the splinter]

Bernie

this ALWAYS works for me when I get stress related bleeding....

I managed to get my hands on Frank M's Match.com profile pic.....

[img:2dceca8482]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o246/juanse_moncayo/Mr%20Guido%20y%20Sr%20Hienna/fat-guy-in-box.jpg[/img:2dceca8482]

cracks me up every time!!!!

[visick]

LMAO...

Actually ROTFFLMFAO

[bernieh]

So yeah, I had a rough night in the ER, and have a procedure scheduled for tomorrow morning; in light of this, we had to put the transition off. Sorry guys; I've been chomping at the bit to let you guys loose on the new site but it looks like we'll all have to wait just a bit more.

Fortunately my condition seems to be improving (KNOCK ON WOOD DAMMIT) so I'm in better spirits for now. Let's hope they don't find anything weird or scary tomorrow. Thanks to everyone for all the funnies, I'm really having a bunch of laughs (and a lot of groans; some of you seriously need to step up your game, come on).

[elpasopesos]

So Panch Villa and his grungy band of revolutionaries break into a convent and march towards the nuns residence. The Mother Superior meets the men at the door and exclaims " What do you want"? Pancho Villa proclaims, "it has been three months that we fight the Revolution snd my men haven't known a woman in all that time. So we are going to rape everyone of you". "No, no" cried the frightened nuns, "Not the Mother Superior... have your way with us but spare her!" The Mother superior stood between ther men and the nuns, raised her hand and shouted " Shut up!" "He said EVERONE!"

[geekor]

Visick went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"OK then," Visick said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen.

Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again."

"OK," Visick says.

"Now," the doctor says, getting down to business. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Well," Vis says, "it's swollen...."

[Paul_Long71]

A man walks into an ice-cream parlor and the kid behind the counter says "what can I get you". the man replies "a Triple-Decker ice cream cone with Chocolate on top, Strawberry in the middle, and Vanilla on the bottom." The kid says "sorry, sir. We're out of Chocolate. I can't get that for you." The man says "no problem, sonny. I'll take a triple-decker with Vanilla on top, Chocolate in the middle, and Vanilla on the bottom." Once again, the kid replies "sorry, sir. We're out of Chocolate. I can't do that." So, the man scratches his head and says "no problem, I'll have a triple-decker cone with Vanilla on top, Strawberry in the middle, and Chocolate on the bottom."

This goes on for another few minutes and the kid is exasparated and is getting upset.

Finally, the kid turns to the man and says, "sir, can you spell the 'van' in vanilla?" the guy says V-A-N.

the kids says "good, can you spell the 'straw' in strawberry?" and the man replies "S-T-R-A-W"

the kid says "good. now, can you spell the 'Fu&k' in chocolate?" and the mans replies "There is no FU&K in chocolate".

and the kid says "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU FOR HALF AN HOUR!"



hope that one helps, get well soon Bernie.

[mesquiton]

Did you hear about the guy with five penises? His pants fit like a glove.

[nevdully's]

Procedure tomorrow Bernie?

My aunt (who's gonna become my uncle) has one scheduled for tomorrow as well. She goes in at 9:00 A.M. for her addadicktome.